I did my undergraduate degree in Reagan Bush 84 Shirt and there was a lot of overlap with the Drama students. None of this surprises me in the least. They were always bragging about how ‘incestuous’* they were. I was maid of honor. Me, best man and the couple went into a separate little room to do the signing stuff. Bride excused herself to go the bathroom and the groom started making pretty mean remarks about her cooking (something she’s passionate about) to the officiary. She came back, heard they were talking about cooking family meals together and gave him the warmest smile, thinking he had praised her. He scoffed awkwardly and changed the topic. That always stuck with me. He wasn’t laughing WITH her but AT her, behind her back. I’m reminded of someone I read about maybe 20 years ago, a college professor who developed a protocol for predicting whether prospective marriages were likely to last. IIRC he had the engaged couple discuss some tender issues, topics they would fight about. They would videotape the session, then research assistants would watch the tape, counting the various interactions of note. That data produced their prediction.
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His research showed that fighting was not a Reagan Bush 84 Shirt as such; lots of happy long-laying marriages had lots of fighting. The crucial aspect was whether the couple was mutually RESPECTFUL during their fight. Observed disrespect was a very strong predictor of a short-lived marriage. I have kept that in mind when dating. If I feel like she seems to be contemptuous of me at any point, that’s a massive red flag. I ended a relationship when I realized I was treating her disrespectfully. Be nicer I would tell myself. After a while I realized that I simply did NOT respect her — and that was a big problem. In the 1995 BBC “Pride and Prejudice” the Dad says something like “I couldn’t abide you having a marriage, Lizzy, where you cannot respect your spouse (like my marriage).” There are two ex-Mrs. Lebrowskis. They both broke my heart. I’m permanently sad that I couldn’t make either marriage last. I take some joy, though, from the fact that I deeply respected both of them when we got married and still do now, 37 and 15 years later. Wedding videographer here, I think my favorite moment was when I was sitting at the miscellaneous table with all the randoms and the girl next to me, the grooms ex, drunkenly admitted to sleeping with the groom a few months prior
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